The Vagina You’re Looking For Can’t Be Found
A funny thing happened on the way to getting my job done. I like to call it, “The Little Search Engine That Couldn’t”.
I spend a good portion of the day reading up on the topics that make this blog tick, and you can best believe that the number one keyword — in many of my searches — is the word, “vagina”.
Well, imagine my surprise when I enter “vagina” in the search box of a site that caters specifically to those who wish to read fresh information on the very latest topics of interest, and I am redirected to a 404 page that tells me in no uncertain terms: “The page you’re looking for can’t be found.”
Got it. Vagina is a dirty word here. Maybe they’re afraid I’m looking for porn. Maybe they think I’m going to pair the word with “pummeling” or “bad girl”?
Come to think of it, is the word “vagina” ever used in a super sexy context? I’ve always thought of it as the word you DON’T use when you wanna get nasty. “Hey girl, I am so gonna tap that vagina…” — No, that doesn’t happen.
Maybe I need to revise my search, perhaps I need to (cue: eerie orchestral hit) …release the medical terms.
OK, let’s try “Vaginal Health”. Results: “The page you’re looking for can’t be found.” Vaginitis, vaginal issues, vagina in politics today, vagina is the word of the year how insane is this that a search engine cannot pick up the buzz word queen of all up to date social media: “The page you’re looking for can’t be found.”
Hmm, let’s try “Vulva”. Ooo, bingo! Vulva’s a go! And what do we have here on the vulva-ridden page? Plenty of links to articles all about…vaginas!
So, we’ve got a world of people out there yapping a mile a minute about vagina this and vagina that, but the uber-relevant, fresher than thou “find it here” site is still too prudish to allow such a word to reap actual results when placed in the search box. BIG HMM.
Because I’m a complete pornographer now, I decide to pump in the word, “Penis,” just to see if fair is fair. Same thing. No penis allowed. But, when I went medical on their ass, I was able to find results for the word, “penile”. I guess there aren’t many inappropriate word constructs that one can use with the word, “penile”. Maybe, “His throbbing penile thingee,”? Nah.
Wake up world! Wake up all ye moderators and admins of blogs and forums. Not everyone is a skank looking for raunchy bloggery! There is at least one person (out of every ten trillion) that might want to search the word, “vagina,” for purposes other than porn.
This is why the word blew up in Congress a while back. This is why everyone’s saying it lately. It’s not just because it’s private and expressly female — it’s because it’s got more power than we ever knew, and vocalizing the word is like unearthing the Arc of the Covenant.
Say it: Vagina. Say it. Watch people cringe. They’ll get over it.
Don’t put “vagina” back in the closet. When some search engines and comment spaces disallow the word from being published, it only means that whoever controls them is still stuck in a slavish, fearful mindset.
If you fear the mighty vagina I have two pieces of advice for you: Either get into your time machine now and go back to your happy place where the word, “vagina” is never spoken about unless absolutely necessary OR get used to it, because the word, “vagina,” is not only here to stay — she’s loud and proud.